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Joan Halifax
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Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death Paperback – November 17, 2009

by Joan Halifax (Author), Ira Byock MD (Foreword)
4.7 out of 5 stars 422 ratings
A Buddhist teacher draws from her years of experience in caring for the dying to provide inspiring lessons on how to face death with courage and compassion
 
The Buddhist approach to death can be of great benefit to people of all backgrounds—as has been demonstrated by Joan Halifax’s decades of work with the dying and their caregivers. A Zen priest and a world-renowned pioneer in care of the dying, Halifax has helped countless people face death with courage and trained caregivers in compassioante end-of-life care.

In this book, Halifax offers lessons from dying people and caregivers, as well as guided meditations to help readers contemplate death without fear, develop a commitment to helping others, and transform suffering and resistance into courage. Her teachings affirm that we can open and contact our inner strength—and that we can help others who are suffering to do the same. Being with Dying is a source of wisdom for anyone who is facing their own death, caring for someone who is dying, or wishing to explore the transformative power of the dying process.
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  1. Print length
    224 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Shambhala
  4. Publication date
    November 17, 2009
  5. Dimensions
    6.05 x 0.6 x 9.01 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1590307186
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1590307182
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“A moving meditation on palliative care. . . . A supremely readable book that will attract readers of all faiths who will appreciate her clarity and compassion and the poignancy of these stories of ordinary people facing their final hours with quiet courage.” —Publishers Weekly

“This compelling, brave, and wise book draws from a lifetime of remarkable work with people at the end of life.” —Andrew Weil, MD

“Joan Halifax has a knack for straight talk and sublime insight—a no-holds-barred approach to life’s greatest challenge, dying well. This book beckons to those who dare, and those who care; it’s a profound and practical guidebook to the inevitable final dance.” —Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence

“This book is a gift of wisdom and practical guidance for living.” —Ira Byock, MD, author of Dying Well and The Four Things That Matter Most

About the Author

Joan Halifax, PhD, is a Zen priest and anthropologist who has served on the faculty of Columbia University and the University of Miami School of Medicine. For the past thirty years she has worked with dying people and has lectured on the subject of death and dying at Harvard Divinity School, Harvard Medical School, Georgetown Medical School, and many other academic institutions. In 1990, she founded Upaya Zen Center, a Buddhist study and social action center in Santa Fe, New Mexico. In 1994, she founded the Project on Being with Dying, which has trained hundreds of healthcare professionals in the contemplative care of dying people.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Shambhala; Reprint edition (November 17, 2009)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1590307186
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1590307182
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.05 x 0.6 x 9.01 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 out of 5 stars 422 ratings

About the author

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Joan Halifax

Joan Halifax

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Roshi Joan Halifax, Ph.D., is a Buddhist teacher, Zen priest, anthropologist, and pioneer in the field of end-of-life care. She is Founder, Abbot, and Head Teacher of Upaya Institute and Zen Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico. She received her Ph.D. in medical anthropology in 1973 and has lectured on the subject of death and dying at many academic institutions and medical centers around the world. She received a National Science Foundation Fellowship in Visual Anthropology, was an Honorary Research Fellow in Medical Ethnobotany at Harvard University, and was a Distinguished Visiting Scholar at the Library of Congress.

From 1972-1975, she worked with psychiatrist Stanislav Grof at the Maryland Psychiatric Research Center with dying cancer patients using LSD as an adjunct to psychotherapy. She has continued to work with dying people and their families, and to teach health care professionals and family caregivers the psycho-social, ethical and spiritual aspects of care of the dying. She is Director of the Project on Being with Dying, and Founder of the Upaya Prison Project that develops programs on meditation for prisoners. She is also founder of the Nomads Clinic in Nepal.

She studied for a decade with Zen Teacher Seung Sahn and was a teacher in the Kwan Um Zen School. She received the Lamp Transmission from Thich Nhat Hanh, and was given Inka by Roshi Bernie Glassman.

A Founding Teacher of the Zen Peacemaker Order and founder of Prajna Mountain Buddhist Order, her work and practice for more than fifty years has focused on engaged Buddhism. Her books include: The Human Encounter with Death (with Stanislav Grof); The Fruitful Darkness, A Journey Through Buddhist Practice; Simplicity in the Complex: A Buddhist Life in America; Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Wisdom in the Presence of Death; Standing at the Edge: Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet; Sophie Learns to be Brave (upcoming); In a Moment, In a Breath (upcoming).

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4.7 out of 5 stars
422 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find this book insightful and profound, providing understanding about dying and death. Moreover, they appreciate its compassionate approach, with one customer noting how it guides readers through impermanence. Additionally, the writing style receives positive feedback for being well-written and clear, with one customer describing it as deeply literate. Customers value the book's content, with one mentioning it's particularly suitable for hospice volunteers.

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47 customers mention "Insight"47 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful and profound, providing understanding about dying and death, with one customer noting it guides readers through impermanence.

"...So many wonderful meditations. And the chapter about pain was a revelation. Truly grateful for the rich content of this book." Read more

"This woman goes where most , if not all , fear to tread . Deeply wise and her compassion speaks in every line ...." Read more

"...my beloved Father to actively die, I feel this book truly helped me ease his path slightly (by just sitting quietly with him and following his lead.)..." Read more

"...It has taught me so much about dying and more about living. It has given me insights to prepare for my own death and not fear it's inevitability...." Read more

23 customers mention "Compassion"23 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the compassionate approach of the book, describing it as a caring guide. One customer notes how it provides excellent spiritual support, while another mentions its heartwarming stories.

"...Deeply wise and her compassion speaks in every line . Roshi Joan Halifax is one of the rare " Ones "...." Read more

"...With unflinching honesty and deep compassion for the dying person, Halifax explores all the aspects of dying and death that, in being with a dying..." Read more

"...helping others transition into the next life phase and supporting their family and friends...." Read more

"...Lots of helpful advice. Very wise, caring, compassionate observations. Extremely aware of how unique we all are...." Read more

20 customers mention "Writing style"20 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the writing style of the book, describing it as well-written, clear, and concise, with one customer noting its ability to reach readers deeply.

"...She is on the side of the angels ... She is also deeply literate and her prose is redolent of a great writer . Denise Bryant" Read more

"...Very sensitively written, it provided me with the strength I needed to survive what has to date been the most awful but rewarding experience of my..." Read more

"...I enjoyed the author's clear-eyed and compassionate approach to the topic of dying...." Read more

"Well written and her experience is used as illustration. Non-repetitive and practical. All around a terrific book...." Read more

8 customers mention "Book content"8 positive0 negative

Customers praise the book's content, with one describing it as a fundamental read for every human being, while another notes it's particularly valuable for hospice volunteers.

"...fact, somehow this is a book not just about being with dying, but being with life. So many wonderful meditations...." Read more

"...Also a great read for any hospice volunteer." Read more

"I am deeply grateful that I stumbled upon this book. This book was an anchor to me when my mom was in hospice in my home for the last two months of..." Read more

"...Even though Joan Halifax is a Zen Priest, the book is entirely appropriate for all, no matter the of belief'or spirituality...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Kindle Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Book!
    Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    My stepfather is in hospice, and doesn't have any spiritual beliefs. I found myself having no idea how to talk with him, or offer any sort of comfort. I was hoping to pick up some ideas from this book. It's ended up offering so very much more. In fact, somehow this is a book not just about being with dying, but being with life. So many wonderful meditations. And the chapter about pain was a revelation. Truly grateful for the rich content of this book.
    One person found this helpful
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  • michael graber
    5.0 out of 5 stars very comforting book to read with a dying person
    Reviewed in the United States on February 10, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    Read this with my mother who is on hospice and it really helped both of us. Also a great read for any hospice volunteer.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Denise Bryant
    5.0 out of 5 stars Dying begins at conception ... Roshi Joan Halifax understands this truth .
    Reviewed in the United States on June 6, 2013
    Verified Purchase
    This woman goes where most , if not all , fear to tread . Deeply wise and her compassion speaks in every line .
    Roshi Joan Halifax is one of the rare " Ones ". Buddhism aside ,her generosity of sharing and giving is rare in this world .
    A text to be included in the reading of all medical medical courses . Her willingness to share the active dying of her own father
    points to a woman of profound intellect , love and fearlessness .
    She heals by her presence in each and every experience .
    And as she describes her act of smoothing her pillow for sleep in the full knowledge that this may be her last living action offers
    acceptance and finally peace in what is the journey of all living beings . She is in the vanguard of palliative care in this world .
    This is the time for someone to stand up against the cruel and dismissive treatment of the dying in institutions and even family
    life . And Roshi Joan Halifax stood up and has changed forever our dismissive treatment of the dying individual .
    She is on the side of the angels ...
    She is also deeply literate and her prose is redolent of a great writer .

    Denise Bryant
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Judy Croome
    4.0 out of 5 stars Worthwhile and comforting read
    Reviewed in the United States on March 11, 2012
    Verified Purchase
    BEING WITH DYING is specifically aimed at professional caregivers, but non-professional caregivers, such as family members and friends who provide caregiving for a dying person, will find excellent support to guide them along their spiritual path.

    With unflinching honesty and deep compassion for the dying person, Halifax explores all the aspects of dying and death that, in being with a dying person, a caregiver may experience. She deals with the spiritual, physical, mental and emotional processes that dying activates and how this affects both the dying person and those around him.

    There was some bias against family members and friends acting as caregivers to the dying. All her empathy lies with the dying person, which is as it should be, but Halifax is, at times, quite unsympathetic to the emotional pain, suffering and struggle from the family caregivers' side. Her negative view of caretaker archetypes reveals a subtle disdain for the role of family caregivers.

    Unfortunately, this slightly detracts from the inherent wisdom of her advice and Buddhist philosophy. Not all of us have the temperament or self-mastery to become a detached caregiver. All non-professional caregivers do is try to give their loved ones the best that they can out of love. Yes, with hindsight, the mistakes they make may have made dying more difficult for the departing soul, but the resulting guilt also makes the loss harder to bear even when the non-professional caregiver knows the loved one's soul is finally at peace. Halifax's compassion was all for the dying and there was very little left over for the family members living for years in that strange limbo between deep love, anticipatory grief, impending loss and physical exhaustion.

    Despite this, the wise reflections, the meditations and the practical advice presented in BEING WITH DYING helped me through the very trying time of my beloved Father's active dying. Coincidentally, I started reading this book the night he had his third and final stroke, and I finished it 11 days later, the day after his funeral.

    I regret that I only found this book three years after my role as caregiver to my Father began, because I can see the mistakes I made, despite having help from a professional caregiver for the last 18 months. But I do gain some small comfort from the fact that, in the 6 days it took my beloved Father to actively die, I feel this book truly helped me ease his path slightly (by just sitting quietly with him and following his lead.) I also found the breathing meditations helped me calm my mind and relax my body during this intensely emotional time.

    Ultimately, BEING WITH DYING was a worthwhile and comforting read for me. I highly recommend BEING WITH DYING, no matter what stage of the caregiver's role you are currently in.
    60 people found this helpful
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  • Footloose
    5.0 out of 5 stars A "must read" book when living with the dying!
    Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2015
    Verified Purchase
    I loved this book! I don't think I could have survived "walking" with my Mom as she slowly died had I not had this book to guide me. Very sensitively written, it provided me with the strength I needed to survive what has to date been the most awful but rewarding experience of my life.

    It taught me to embrace the impending death of my Mom and appreciate every single precious minute I had with her. It taught me how to be patient and live with "not knowing" how long her disabling and lingering illness was going to last and how I was going to survive a life without her. Above all it taught me how to go on this last journey with my Mom with compassion and love no matter how unbearable the situation had become. It has taught me so much about dying and more about living. It has given me insights to prepare for my own death and not fear it's inevitability. I highly recommend this book not only to help those who care for the sick and dying but also for those who want to make the most of what time is left for them on earth.
    7 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Isycosilvana
    1.0 out of 5 stars Non so ancora se è arrivato a destinazione!
    Reviewed in Italy on March 2, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    NON sono soddisfatta:

    Non so ancora se il libro è arrivato a destinazione, è un ragalo sorpresa.

    Sul sito non ci sono le informazioni sul percorso dettagliato della consegna e sul corriere.
    Impossibilità di contattare il corriere.
    Sul sito non c'è la conferma di avvenuta consegna del libro.

    La consegna era stimata per il "14 febbraio" più di ! MESE E MEZZO DALL'ACQUISTO! e non so ancora se ha raggiunto il destinatario.

    SONO MOLTO INSODDISFATTA !!!!!!!!!!!
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  • takeshim
    5.0 out of 5 stars 予想と違った
    Reviewed in Japan on June 10, 2015
    Verified Purchase
    もっと理屈中心だと思ってたけど、現実的かつ実際的な内容でした。豊富な瞑想実習があるのがとても良いと思います。
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  • Karen Purves
    5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 10, 2021
    Verified Purchase
    I work with people who are dying and find there is so much to learn about walking alongside those who are nearing death. I found Joan Halifax’s book easy to read and listen to. I have it in the three types of media. I found the contents instructive and loving. The meditations are great for oneself and for clients. Take time to be with each word, sentence, paragraph and chapter. It is truly magnificent. Thank you.
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  • Eliane de Souza Pastorello
    5.0 out of 5 stars Leitura essencial
    Reviewed in Brazil on August 20, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    Este livro é essencial para os praticantes do budismo Zen e todas as pessoas que querem ter uma consciência aumentada sobre sua condição humana e pretende uma atuação compassiva no mundo.
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  • Singalong
    5.0 out of 5 stars Ein Leuchturm
    Reviewed in Germany on July 26, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    Eigentlich sollte jeder Mensch dieses Buch lesen, während man noch gar nicht an Sterben und Tod denkt. Fast alle moderne buddhistische Bücher könnten von diesem Buch ersetzt werden, wenn man nur ein Buch über buddhistische Lehre lesen wollte.
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